Thursday, December 10, 2009

This too shall pass...

Four weeks today since I had my exchange procedure (for those of you wondering what that means, I am talking about having my tissue expanders exchanged for final silicone implants - the ladies who will continue to defy gravity when i'm well into my 80s!).  It is amazing how uncomfortable I felt just four weeks ago.  How the stitches would pull and ache underneath the implants when I would stretch my hands above my head.  I thought I was never really going to get full mobility because they ached so much!  But now, I can put my hands over my head with no problem!  I can also walk for 50 minutes and feel no pain afterwards.  Things are good!!!

Where am I going with this rambling?  I know, I do that often.  But I am just realizing that throughout this whole ordeal I can remember thinking that I was never going to feel better, never get through the pain, never get through a night without pain/anxiety medicine to help me sleep, but it passed and now I'm at a much better place.

I even forgot how awful I would feel on my bad days during chemo, and my middle daughter, just shy of 4 years old, would lie down in bed with me and take a nap with me, just because she was worried about me.  It was so wonderful to have her near me and not afraid of me.  She wasn't like that a few months before, when she told me she didn't like me (when I had my drains in after the mastectomy).  So it felt very nice to have her near me...

I guess I just want women who are diagnosed with breast cancer and who are waiting to talk to their doctor, their cancer surgeon, their plastic surgeon, their oncologist, worried that they are going to lose their hair, that it all goes away, it does get better, it is temporary.  And while it is real and it is really awful while going through all of it, this too shall pass...oh, and by the way, I finally got a bikini wax!!!  I know, I know, still too much information, but I am glad to say that I finally needed one!!!


  1. Paula, I figured out why my intended comment was sent to your email. When one clicks the email icon, one sends an email, and doesn't post a comment, even if that was the intention!!! I'll get there.

    I honestly cannot imagine going through what you've been through with three young children to take care of. During my chemo, I could barely function for several days straight after each treatment which hit every two weeks. What a beautiful image of your daughter snuggling up to you though. I could have used a little of that kind of attention for sure! Tonight my granddaughter, Ava (almost 3), is spending the night. It's been a long time. When my daughter told her, Ava said, "Is LeeLee all better now?" So sweet! Tomorrow we'll spend the whole day together and decorate the Christmas tree and watch "Calliou" episodes on TiVo and have lunch in the living room. Can't wait!

    I'm enjoying your blog. Your writing is captivating.

  2. Thank you, Paula. :) I'm glad you're feeling good now. I can't wait to get these expanders out and get some soft silicone pups instead. And as far as I'm concerned, there is no longer such a thing as TMI haha - I feel sorry for my friends and family who have to hear my "TMI" on a regular basis - nothing is off limits anymore - and I thought pregnancy did that to me, that was nothing compared to cancer treatment LOL. ;)