Sadness Beyond Control

It's hard to be sad on Halloween, especially with my guys all dressed up for the holiday, but I found myself so sad the past two days that I found it worse than anything I've felt in quite some time.

I know what started it off...yesterday we were supposed to have plans with friends, and they canceled, which left us with a whole free day.  With birthday parties, and Hebrew school and soccer and football, we haven't had a full free day in a VERY long time.  So, I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to take the kids to the aquarium, since my son is very psyched about sharks these days.  He didn't want to do that.  So, I said, how about the aircraft carrier?  The zoo?  Central park zoo?  No, he didn't like any of those ideas.  Didn't want to go anywhere where there would be crowds...I didn't get it.  And then I just got mad because he said he wanted to buy wood to build himself a custom closet or take the kids to get skis.  Okay, I understand we need to get skis for the kids for the season, but we had a WHOLE day to play...and then my son said he'd rather have a playdate with his friend than go somewhere with me...and then the girls didn't want to go because my son didn't want to go...the day was such a BUST!!!  Oh, and might I add that my husband could have done the closet thing next weekend when I was taking the kids away...and I FREAKED OUT on everyone, especially my husband. 

I just couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to do something educational and outside with the kids on a beautiful fall day...was it me?  I really thought so.  But, I did freak out (I mean slamming doors, yelling, and just being plain mean to my husband who was happily doing his woodwork in the garage, which he rarely does) and finally begged and pleaded with my daughter to come with me to the Central Park Zoo.  And we did have lots of fun.  But I was so nasty to my husband.  And I couldn't bring myself to be nice to him...not then or later...even when we did something as a family with another family.  What was up with that????

And why?  Cause he wanted to do something else for one day?  And then when I started thinking about that, I started kicking myself and I couldn't stop.  Like, what's wrong with me that I am being such a brat?  Why am I so sad?  I actually had to leave an exercise class this morning because I was crying.  And then I came home to an empty house 'cause my husband was with the little one and the older two were at Hebrew School and I was still crying and crying even more because I was trying to stop myself from crying...is it just me or has that happened to you?

Finally, my husband saw me crying and I told him that I was sorry for being a psycho the day before.  While he didn't say he accepted my apology (I don't think I would have either) he did say that it was okay to be sad because then you appreciate being happy.  So, then I stopped crying and my daughter came to lay down in my bed with me and held my hand while we watched TV and I wasn't so sad anymore.

So now, I'm still trying to figure out why I was so so sad...could it be that the last 3 years have been really hard and after trying to be so strong and I just snapped?  I don't know but I guess I don't care.  I will just type this and argue with my son about whether or not he's getting a clone gun...and whether or not he'll put his costume back on...

Don't forget these guys!!!

 Look at these guys!  They are hysterical, drive me crazy with their personalities!  They are all mine and I am so proud of that! 

My mom tells me that if I don't start writing down some of their stories, I'm going to forget them, so I'm going to write a few of them down here for each of them and hopefully continue as the stories keep coming!

 My son, the pickiest eater on the planet.  While he does eat some decent stuff (yogurt, cheese, deli turkey, homemade chicken nuggets, egg fried rice, bananas, apples - that might be the only healthy stuff he eats), he's never met a vegetable he liked.  One night, I had totally had enough of his shenanigans of not trying food.  So, I told him that no matter what, he had to eat ONE green pea.  He cried, he was hysterical, he kept trying to talk his way out of it, he pretended to gag on one of them and spit it out on the floor...so I told him no dessert without eating a pea.  I finally got him to put it in his mouth with a huge mouthful of other food...he tried to gag and spit it out, but I made him drink some water and he got it down!  Actually said it wasn't so bad.  He actually said that sometimes he's just afraid to try things...my big brave boy!  Though, he does jump off the diving board at the pool after one summer of really swimming so he can be brave, just not with food or the dentist.  He says he's going to be a shark hunter, or a soldier, or a Jedi, or an archaeologist (how is it he cannot pronounce the word skeleton but he knows the name Giganontasaurus when he sees it???)

He plays sports, but I think he only does that to hang out with his friends.  He'd much rather pretend to fight bad guys with his lightsaber (or a stick, or his fingers as guns) than even have a real battle with his friends.  He likes to laugh and have fun, but he's definitely not rough and tough!  And he likes to give hugs to his mommy still, so I think that's just great!

My little daughter is soooo stubborn.  All she wants to do is be like the big kids, but if she doesn't get her way, she screams like a banshee...she thinks that will let her win.  That used to work with my husband, but even he's caught onto her scheme.  With that one, you just cannot tell if she's really hurt or just being dramatic...most of the time she's just being dramatic.  And to brush her teeth with big kid toothpaste, forget about it!  Though when she screams when you get near her mouth, it does make her mouth open so you can get the toothbrush in for a count of about 20...but she is funny!  We were at the doctor's office the other day, and a woman asked her what her name was.  She said, "Minnie Mouse" as she often does.  The woman said, "Oh, that's funny 'cause I'm Donald Duck."  My daughter said, "No, you're not, you're Goofy!"  Totally straight face!  She is constantly amazing me with her agility on the computer.  When my son was her age, he could barely figure out the up and down arrows...she can navigate to the website she wants without any help.  I should probably set up computer filters now!!!  She can be the biggest cuddle-bug and loves to sing and dance and pretend she's from Star Wars.  Her favorite song is "Thriller" and she will sing it all the time and then do the evil Vincent Price laugh at the end!  So funny!  She thinks she's scary!!!

Onto my middle child.  She can be sweet, artistic, funny, creative, or you could say she's a compulsive liar.  Let me just throw out a few examples:  Yesterday, she cried at school when they were serving cupcakes for someone's party.  When asked the problem, she said, "I'm allergic to vanilla" (I guess she was given a vanilla cupcake) but the truth is that there's no allergy problem, she just wanted chocolate.

When told it was back-to-school night at school, she said that President Obama was babysitting for her.

She told her teacher she would not be in school the next day because we were going to Disney World (not true).

She told me she had a baby in her belly (to which I said to her, "That's great, I really want to be a grandma someday...but could we wait a bit for that???"  She said okay

She said she went to Iceland with her Papa and bought special sticks (she's never been out of the U.S.)

She told her religious school teachers that she was allergic to honey, milk and nuts.  Guess what?  She is not, but the teachers sure yelled at my husband for not filling out an allergy form!

But she says it with such conviction that everyone believes her.  I tried to explain to her teacher this year that she has a vivid imagination (but I probably should have just said she's a complete liar) I think the teacher believes me now...But she amazes me with her ballet and even more so with her artwork.  She actually drew a picture of a bench looking out on the water that looked like a bench looking out on the water.  She's only 5!  I cannot even do that!

Well, I need to go to bed to get ready for the Halloween festivites at school and afterwards, so with that said, I'm off to bed.

I wonder what these kids will be like in 5 years.  All I can say is that I sure hope they stay as sweet as they are now (no matter how I try to complain about them, they are totally awesome!!!)