Saturday, January 9, 2010

Happy New Year - the good the bad and the ugly!

Happy New Year!  What has happened since 2010?

On 1/2/10, I got my period, with a vengance!  Yes, it is back.  I was really worried that I was going to have early menopause (as one doctor said might happen due to chemo and Herceptin, but she was wrong!) and I'm not really sure why, but that was not the case and I am not sad to have it back!  I know, too much information, but for any women reading this who have or are going through what I went through, it is kind of a big deal!

I went skiing out west in Utah with my husband this past week.  I have always been an adequate skier, but to get to the next level, I have been teaching myself how to ski down the mountain.  Very hard to do as an adult, but I am doing that.  I took a lesson out West, and my instructor was pushing me pretty hard.  I guess she worried that I wasn't having fun, but all I kept thinking about in my head was how proud I was of myself for actually skiing after the horrible year I had!  Not two months ago I had surgery for final breast implants, and not four months ago I was sitting in a chair having chemotherapy, and there I was actually skiing some blue trails and not falling down.  I almost cried I was so happy!  AND re-teaching yourself the proper way to ski is pretty hard, so I am damn proud of myself for the hard work!

The negative thoughts in my head are that I really do not like the new boobs.  I might tell you that I'm happy because they will be perky forever, and maybe once I have nipples I won't feel so badly, but the truth is that I don't like at all how they look.  Okay, so I've gained a few pounds and maybe I'll like them more once I start really getting back to the gym, but I really don't like the way they look.  They aren't big enough, they get really cold when I'm out in the cold (like I don't remember ever happening before) , they still have ugly scars on parts of them because they still have not fully healed, and I get some crazy under-the-skin itching that I cannot explain or get rid of, but I know is EXTREMELY annoying!

I hate to start of my 2010 blog with some negativity, but it is true and I guess I won't be happy until I lose some weight or at least get some new nipples!!!

On a brighter note, I have stopped wearing wigs all the time.  My hair is growing back to the point where, while it is very short, it is covering enough of my head where I won't wear a wig anymore.  I still want longer hair, but it will get there!

Happy and a Healthy New Year to all!!!


  1. Your fake boobs are still bigger than my real ones. And perkier. Oh can complain. ;-)

    Glad you had a great time skiing. Last time I went was with you.


  2. Your fake boobs are better than the alternative! I had a lumpectomy and have scars and a dint where the lump was. You will get used to your new look just give it time.

    I found you when I was reading Sues blog, I follow her. My blog is www.canceraintgonnabeatme.blogspot

  3. Glad to hear that you're nearing the end of treatment! I, too, was Estrogen and Her2 positive, and therefore, I had one year of Herceptin. I was diagnosed at age 43, and will be celebrating 4 years in February! Feel free to "visit" my blog, and I'd love to hear how you're doing!

    P.S. The pictures of your children are beautiful!

  4. I just had my expanders out and implants in and I'm disappointed too. I know it's not done and the nipples will make a difference and when those go on I'll have some minor tweaks done to help too but I totally relate to the disappointment - and the itching is insanely annoying. I was relieved to hear that my disappointment was not unique even though I wouldn't wish it on anyone - just nice to know others understand how I'm feeling. The gal in my support group that has had her exchange surgery already also feels this way too. I actually just blogged about it before coming over to read your latest entries.