Saturday, January 23, 2010

I've taken Ativan the past two days...need I say more?

Why am I my harshest critic? 
Why do I take everything my kids do wrong personally?
Why do I feel so insecure right now?
Could it be my hair growing back but still so short?  Okay, positive note is that I've stopped wearing wigs, but I truly HATE the way I look.  I think I'm going to go buy one of those fake ponytails so I feel like I have long hair...
Could it be that I am a lawyer who stopped working when my 5 year old was born and now I feel like I couldn't get a job if I needed to?  Maybe I shouldn't have stepped out of the workforce to begin with, but I DO enjoy having free-time with my kids...
Could it be that I hate my new boobs and the fact that I feel like the Tamoxifen has made me put on weight that I just feel so unsexy that I haven't gotten my groove back?
I think I need a therapist...oh, and I am not taking Ativan again tonight, so I guess no matter how uncomfortable I have felt, it is not such that I need to take it again...


  1. I wish I had answers. I'm sure a warm beach and our toes in the sand would make us feel so much better.

  2. You know, I can relate to SO much of this post! Yes, as my hair returned, I tossed out that awful wig and I, too, hated the way I looked. I remember the days when I'd go to the store, noticed people staring at me with my oh-too-short hair style, and you know what I did at that point? I'd SMILE at them! A huge grin. Face to face. Then you know what I did? I'd drive home with the tears spilling down my cheeks, mad as all heck that they looked at me that WAY. Then, and only after a good cry, I was able to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and move on. Each day. And you will see that day after day, month after month, it DOES get easier. It really, really does. Hang in there, sister!! :)

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

  3. Just popped in to wish you a good week!

  4. Wishing you better days ahead ...

  5. I can totally relate. I only wore the wig once, and the hat hair piece thing a handful of times - mostly I walked around bald. But I looked better completely bald than with this chia-pet hair on my head and my husband is now worried that I'll get so frustrated that I'll shave it off haha. Yeah, the boob thing is grating on my nerves too. I reserve the ativan for nights I just need to turn off the racing thoughts and sleep deeply. Handful of those nights so far. The whole work thing....well I think I'll email you about that haha. Love ya! Julie

  6. I have used every benzo out there and I find that Ativan works much slower. This is a med you have to use daily not as a prn. Xanax is better for prn use since it hits harder than Ativan. Ativan does work with my extreme anxiety, but not so much with my panic attacks. Xanax works better for that. I haven't experience any complications and i've been on it (1mg ativan) for 3 months now :]