The greatest compliment and the person never even knew it

So, I’ve been mentioning these past few blogs about my trip to San Diego by myself, where I tried to do something physically and emotionally satisfying each day, things that I cannot do when I am with my three kids.

All week I had this plan to go kayaking in the Pacific Ocean to look for grey whales that are currently migrating from the Bering Strait to the Baja Penninsula. I figured if my TV debut was off, I was going to make the most out of this trip, come hell or highwater!

I became very discouraged earlier in the week when I was told I might not have a kayak tour because I was only one person, and it wasn’t cost-effective for the shop to send out one guide with one person, and no one else had signed up for a kayaking tour. But, they kindly acquiesced the morning of my scheduled journey and said they would take me alone (La Jolla Kayak http://www.lajollakayak.com/ was the shops’ name and they were great. Highly recommend using their shop for all types of adventuring out in San Diego, CA).

By the time I was supposed to go out on my tour, a family of four (mom, dad and two teenagers) signed up as well! I was pretty psyched. Family was from Canada and the parents were really nice and very friendly. The mom and I both got sea sick on our trip. She actually voiced it to the guide first, and during the journey, when we had paddled out farther to search for whales, I joined the barf-bandwagon.

When we got back to shore, she told me how brave she thought I was for kayaking by myself. She said she didn’t think that she would have chosen this activity if she had been by herself. I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell her about my cancer diagnosis a year ago. I wanted to tell her that I have fake boobs and sometimes I am still worried about doing physical activity with my upper body, and how proud I was of myself for kayaking for two hours straight, but I didn’t. I am trying not to broadcast to the entire world that I am a cancer survivor of just a year. I don’t want that to define me; yet, I feel like it is still an all-encompassing thought in my head these days.

I hold out hope that after a few years I won’t think about it every day as my defining moment in life, but right now, it is what it is, so I will continue to write about that.

Backhanded Compliments

I just got one of the nicest compliments since I've moved to the suburbs 4 years ago...but it wasn't to my face. I was out to dinner with two friends, one is like family to me, and the other is a newer friend.

I guess the topics of conversation veered away from children, and as much as I love my children, I love to have conversations not including them and not around them, and we talked about many things...none of which fully come to mind, but we had a great time.

I left dinner and my two friends were still together and the newer friend turns to the older friend and commented how much fun I was that night and how she had never seen that side of me...I guess different than how she normally sees me around my children (the fun side?). My other friend, said, no, that wasn't a side of her, that's her!

Well, it just reminded me of who I am outside my kids. It's not that I associate my worth by them and have nothing else to deliver, I guess I just don't let loose enough when I am around them...Poor kids. I'd better learn to incorporate all of "me" even when I'm with them. I do want them to remember me as a fun person, not as someone who was always up their butts!

Did you ever feel like you'd lost that fun part of yourself when you became an adult? What did you do to get it back???

I'm happy and I love my kids, but I have GOT to let them see how much fun there is to life, and their mom, so that every memory can be filled with just a bit more laughter...