Just to bitch

You know when you start writing something and after you read a few lines you realize what a whiny complaining person you can be when you don't feel well? I was just going to complain about something that is so unimportant in the grand scheme of things I felt petty and stupid, so I decided to try again.

I was going to complain about how jealous I am that my husband, who is totally the rock of our family right now, went off to play golf all day today and is turning around and doing the same thing tomorrow. Where as I feel like the only true rest I have right now is so chemo-induced that it's not even an enjoyable event to nap...But honestly, he is such a good guy and does so much for us around here, I cannot feel jealous that he wants to go play a bit of golf. I mean, I just need to pick up a good hobby post-chemo and I won't feel so bad. It's just now, during it all, when I cannot feel anger anywhere else, I can just be angry about something stupid.

Weekend was okay. Saturday afternoon I thought I was going to pass out, and pretty much did and didn't recover until Monday morning, but I think eating protein has gotten rid of some of the nausea issues and if I'm tired, I try to sleep, so that covers the exhaustion issues.

Just promise me, that when this is all over, someone is going to buy me a dozen cupcakes from Buttercup Bake Shop in NYC, 6 chocolate with vanilla icing, and 6 vanilla with vanilla icing, and those will just be for me to devour with some sort of ice cream shake to boot. Yes, from all that sugar, I just might boot, but I miss that devil, sugar, so much, I just don't know how I can last until this is over. I will have a sugar OD for sure, but it will be worth it! Oh, and it's not that I have been forbidden to eat sugar, I just get such a nasty after-taste from sweets that it really defeats the enjoyment of eating them. And, then I get nauseated...blah, blah, blah...it's just not worth the effort sometimes...

Well, I have gone from here to there in this blog. I love my husband and I wish I was stronger and didn't feel jealous of his one true pleasure, but I guess sometimes, I am just a bitch! Maybe a bitch who really needs a sugar fix...now I understand why drug addicts have problems...