Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I'm singing this note 'cause it fits in well with the way I'm feelin!

Cannot think of a title for this post. Just feel so good right now. I had a busy day, no naps for Paula, and though I had my ups and downs, right now, I just feel up.

I do notice sometimes that I try to get sad about what's going on. That I cannot be as energetic for my energizer bunnies as I usually am, that sometimes I wish I could give Rob a break and not have to depend on someone else to pitch in, that I HATE what my head looks like...I know, I know, give this a rest, but I'm telling you, the shaved head is probably the worst part so far, and I've felt constant nausea, even with medicine for the past month, and more other things than I care to mention, but I cannot get over my lack of hair! I digress.

Anyway, I find myself lost in my thoughts and depressed by them and I see this big hole where my emotions are about to jump, and then I stop myself. I know if I let myself go there, I could cry and cry and maybe never stop. I am not saying that crying is bad and I need to be some sort of stone, but when I see myself going down that negative path, I remind myself of all of the good that is not only going on in my life, but the fact that things could be SO MUCH WORSE, and I snap out of it. It is amazing how I find myself doing that these days. I should have been doing that so much more for problems that were so much smaller than this...I should have been doing that for the past 38 years! I guess we all want to believe that our drama is dramatic and oscar-worthy? I'm not sure. Or maybe it's just me? All I know is that I can visualize my sadness and step back from it for just a moment, and just move on.

Oh, and I hate to be so negative in my blog, there is just so much crap going on...I would much rather tell you about Lili trying so hard to make up her own jokes. She cracks me up. She just remembers one joke and is now trying to make up new ones. I catch her and she wants so hard to make up good jokes that she can actually remember in her 3 1/2 year old brain. I have GOT to get this kid a joke book! Or the 20 month old who sings (in her own 20 month old words) the lyrics to "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions" and the theme music to Star Wars. Or Jacob, the 5 year old, who wants to act like a 6 year old (and I now get him to do many things he would protest by simply telling him that this is what a 6 year old does, not a 5 year old) who is so obsessed with the 6 Star Wars movies and how Darth Vader becomes Darth and how he turns back into Annekin Skywalker at the end of the 6th movie...the questions are so amazing!

I love watching my kids grow. I never thought I could be a stay-at-home mom, but they have such wonderful imaginations and are so fresh every day for new things. I could just sit and watch them sometimes and not take pictures and not take videos and not talk but just watch them work. I hope they grow up enjoying me as much as I enjoy them (minus teenage years, right?)

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